The New Season Will Be Here Before You Know It, So We’ve Been Busy…

Two and a half tons of sand and topsoil had to be moved around the lawns prior to the contractors commencing work

Essential lawn maintenance work has been completed at the club in the past week in preparation for the 2025 season.

The hollow tining of all five lawns was completed a couple of weeks ago  after being delayed by the wet weather that also forced the closure of the lawns for play.

Tining – also known as turf aeration – is the process that removes small plugs of turf in order to improve the health of the grass. The process relieves compaction of soil, thus enabling water and nutrients to reach grass roots. This year, both the tining and removal of turf plugs was carried out by an outside contractor.

Bags of sand and topsoil had to be distributed around the lawns

On Thursday, the club’s 4,000 square metres of lawn received a top dressing of blended sand and soil topdressing, the first stage in a long-term project to improve drainage on our lawns.

Club President John Steel – who organised the lawn treatments – told me that it’s been proposed that sand and topdressing will be applied over the next few years in order to improve the drainage on the lawns, which are sitting on dense clay.

Lawn 2 was the first to be treated on Thursday

Although other ways of improving drainage are being investigated, most methods are prohibitively expensive for the club.

On Thursday, John Carrington helped move 2.5 tons of dressing and topsoil from the club’s entrance to the lawns and then helped contractors from Lush Lawn Care to load the spreader used to carry out the work.

Lawns 3 and 4 undergo treatment

The lawns also received a covering of slow-release fertiliser once the sand and topsoil had been laid.

In all, the tining, dressing and fertilising has  cost around  £400 for each lawn – a total of  £2,000 for this work alone.

Slow-release fertiliser has been spread over all five lawns

Earlier in the year, the lawns also received weed treatment which had to be carried out by a professional contractor.

The club is fortunate that much of our lawn maintenance is voluntarily carried out by club members, enabling club Treasurer Stuart Smith to keep member annual fees low.

The break from the rain enabled the essential work to be completed

Thanks to John Steel and Jon Carrington for their input into this essential maintenance work.

Paul Felton

The Sound of Stoney Ley – A Song

(Sung to the tune of ‘My Favourite Things)

Unplayable croquet lawns drenched through and sodden

Covered in worm casts, remaining untrodden

Kirby and Wood both have a mallet that pings

These are a few of my least favourite things

Arriving at rollup, finding cake plates deserted

“Where are the flapjacks?” most players have blurted

Chris says “play’s not on – to the balls, that mud  clings”

These are a few of my least favourite things

When John Guy bites

When Dave Holt sings

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my least favourite things

And then I don’t feel so bad

Someone clears you from far – you feel anger flashes

Till you remember it’s Cooke, with one of his smashes

You forgive him his skill but still how it stings

These are a few of my least favourite things

Fran Wall aims his mallet like swinging a sporran

Four players deserted us for somewhere foreign

Who knows what the Met Office every day brings

These are a few of my least favourite things

When your index drops

And your approach flops

And you’re feeling bad

I simply remember my least favourite things

And then I don’t feel so sad

(A Steely breakfast at The Bell helps)

Paul Felton

Member Profile – Janet Bedford

I met up for my long-awaited chat with Janet Beford in mid-April of 2024. At that time, the lawns were awaiting the first cut of the year, work having been delayed by exceptionally wet weather.

Until this lengthy chat, Janet scared me mildly.  I once had a ticking off from her during a club competition in my first ever interaction with her in 2022, more of which later.

Janet was born in Washington DC .  At the time, her father worked in Naval Intelligence in Washington. During the war, her father served in the Royal Navy and sent to work in Naval Intelligence because of his suitability and his proficiency in speaking a number of languages.

Janet’s grandmother was Prussian and arrived in Britain as a child.  Consequently, Janet’s father spoke fluent German, which was an obvious asset.  After the war, on returning to England he was recruited to MI6.   Janet only discovered this some years after her father retired from the Secret Services.

Janet and her Mother returned to Surrey from Washington.  Her father followed about 18 months later and  then joined MI6.  Janet was sent to board at Tormead in Guildford, which she described as being  ‘reasonably’ close to her home. Janet’s exeat days and weekends enabled her to spend time at home with her dogs and pony.  She and her close friends were all ‘horse mad.’   Janet then went to finishing school in Gstaad, Switzerland.  “It was very fashionable at that time for girls.” Janet added “I dread to think how much money it cost.  My father always said it was the biggest waste of money ever.” But it was not completely wasted. Janet said  “I came home able to smoke and make mayonnaise!”

On finishing her formal education, Janet moved to London, working in corporate advertising for a large  agency in High Holborn. At the agency she worked in administration as well as organising market research. The agency’s biggest clients  were cigarette companies.

Janet really loved London, sharing flats with friends and thoroughly enjoying the ‘Swinging 60’s.’

Janet met her first partner in late 60’s and they moved to the Norfolk-Suffolk border where she could continue her love of horses and participated in competitive horse driving trials promoted by Prince Phillip in the early 1970’s.

Janet’s interest in the sport was triggered after watching a competition at Windsor. She then joined a group of other enthusiasts locally, near her home in Norfolk and competed nationally, in three and four day events from 1974.

With the help of Prince Philip, the sport was emerging to prominence.  Janet said “It was great fun for many, many years, then like all sports it started to change. It became commercial – you had to get sponsors. There was an accident where someone was killed and then there was a requirement to have insurance.” Janet was involved in the sport for about twenty years, which she thoroughly enjoyed. She recalled enjoying the social aspect of  competitions. “We’d have four nights in wonderful settings, places like Sandringham and Windsor and Tatton Park. We’d  be all over the whole estate as part of the competition.”

Janet’s horse at the time was named Brockwell Bossy. Janet bought him as a yearling. That partnership lasted thirty years. “He won everything for me. He was brilliant,”  Janet told me. “Some wins are memorable. He won Sandringham for me. That was nice because we were in front of a home crowd.”

Brockwell Bossy in action

Janet beamed when she spoke of Brockwell Bossy. “There were other horses with him, but he was especially special I think partly because I’d had him from such a baby. Nobody thought I’d get him in a carriage because he was a difficult youngster– he really was a bugger! When he got the hang of it, he was brilliant.”

Janet and her partner owned other horses – Arabians – which she showed nationally.  One of them became the British National Champion gelding, two years running.

At this time they also owned Salukis  – in her opinion one of the most beautiful of hounds – which they ran on the beaches of Norfolk.

Janet had a property in Hay-on-Wye from 1980 and after coming over to this side of the country permanently, settled in Alfrick with her partner, Josie.

Janet is pictured with two of the rescue ponies taken in after her move to Alfrick

Janet was one of the early members of the newly formed Broadwas Croquet Club. She heard about the new Broadwas club after lunching with a friend in Cheltenham. They then went to look at Cheltenham’s Croquet Club. At the time Janet said she hadn’t a clue which form of croquet she played – “I just played to the rules that came in the box.”

Janet’s introduction to croquet was through garden croquet, which she played as a child at her family home. Later, she played at school in the evenings. “Croquet has always been in my life” she said.

Janet phoned Hugh Popplewell – one of the Broadwas Croquet Club’s founder members. Janet said “He asked which game I played – I said AC  – never having heard of Golf Croquet.   I went up to the club and met Hugh  and it started there!” Janet was also a member of Cheltenham Croquet Club for about eight years and has her name on the ceiling as an AC competition winner!

“A lot of the original Broadwas members have gone now, which is sad. We used to have a roll of honour which Keith Brooks created because we used to have a lot of internal competitions. Keith set it all up and it used to be displayed in the clubhouse, but that’s all gone now,” Janet said. It would be good to have a roll of honour containing the lovely old names that were once associated with the club – like Hugh and John Barber.” Janet would like to see a roll of honour reintroduced and displayed in the clubhouse.

Janet went on “New people coming into the club is really good. It keeps the sport going and it keeps the sport changing.”

When Janet first joined Broadwas, the club had about 30 members and golf croquet was the most prominent game played.

When Hugh Popplewell asked Janet if she played association croquet and Janet replied “I don’t know. I play croquet!” When they went through the rules, it was established that Janet played AC. Janet plays GC but says she really prefers AC.

“The association side is much diminished now, but I think it’s by far the most interesting game. Unfortunately, all clubs seem to be suffering from a lack of AC players.”

In the past, Janet played in South West Federation competition matches in both GC and AC. Nowadays she will offer to be a backup in external team competitions, though she no longer feels the need to play in team tournaments because of the surfeit of willing GC players in the club. Janet admits to having arthritis in her thumbs which she dismisses as “extremely annoying,” sometimes having to resort to consuming paracetamol before playing.

Janet is pictured after competition success with John Taber (left), Roger Wood and John Guy

As an aside, Janet told me that she is keen on playing boules and would like to see a pétanque court (boules pitch) at the club. “I think the two sports go rather well together.”

Janet is happy to see the growth of the club and the work of new members. “People have new ideas and they are enthusiastic and we have some good younger players.”

Janet’s favourite club tournament is the Ryland Tropy, named after John Ryland – a founder member of the club. She has won the tournament twice, but complained of being beaten a number of times in the final by either Stuart Smith or John Guy. “I will always compete in the Ryland. For as long as I can stand.”

Being a relatively new member of the club, I wasn’t aware that Janet was once the Broadwas club captain – filling the role for a year until John Guy came forward to take over the job permanently. Janet said that in the past, the club captain looked after all of the teams, whereas now, each team has its own captain. Janet was once also the captain of the Broadwas Level Play Golf team for three years.

Janet has also been involved over the years in running club tournaments, like the Veteran’s competition.

Janet describes John Guy as the ‘soul’ of the club. At the time she said “It would have been very difficult for the club to have continued without him.”

I reminded Janet of our first interaction. I played against her in the Ryland tournament. Within a few minutes of starting our game, Janet sportingly chastised me for not using my marbles. She recalled “Yes, yes. You weren’t using them. You CANNOT finish the game with marbles in your pocket.” That was me told!

Janet doesn’t consider herself to be highly competitive but likes to play as well as she can.   She has many interests, like Bridge, but she is particularly passionate about the garden.   She and Josie are keen travellers especially  to France and Italy.   They are avid about art and complete a lot of art courses online.  When I interviewed her, Janet  had  just taken up needlepoint. “I don’t like sitting in front of the television not doing anything,” she told me.  Janet and Josie have two Italian Greyhounds, which are a great joy.   “I have been very fortunate through my life and owe a lot to the pleasure the horse and the hound have given me.  Not to forget my rescue Goffin Cockatoo named Samuel Sancerre after the white wine – I have had him for 40 years. He flies free in the garden and is likely to outlive me!”

Although she is open to new ideas in croquet, one that doesn’t appeal is advantage handicap play. “Giving somebody a hoop which they may never have won…I find that decidedly nuts!”

Paul Felton

Golf Croquet For Dummies – a 72-part series on how to become a better GC player.

If you follow this course avidly, I’m 17.3% confident that you will see  a 9.8% improvement in your GC game within ten years.

But before we begin, I have to warn you – you will probably never be as good a GC player as me. Very few players are capable of going from an 11-handicap to a 16-handicap in two months, as I did this season, so lower your sights a little. But don’t despair. If you don’t manage to hit a high handicap in the 2025 season, remember, there’s always cake.

Croquet has often been described as ‘a nasty game played by nice people.’ If you study this course diligently, I can guarantee you will make your game much nastier, ergo, much more fun.

In Unit One, we will start with the basics – GC Psychology.

Messing with your opponent’s mind is crucial if you are going to succeed in the sport. Golf Croquet is not for wimps, so if you’re squeamish, please bail out now and take up needlepoint instead.

‘My advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now…’ *

1. Imply you really do know what you are doing

One thing that will really put your opponent(s) on the back foot and inject trepidation into their deepest recesses is to give the impression that you possess a deep mastery over GC strategy.

When playing in a doubles match, near the beginning of the game, whisper to your partner (loud enough for both your opponents to hear it) “Let’s play the percentages!” This is a favourite of Jon Carrington.

This has two effects. A) Few players know what that means so it will give the impression you are a true GC expert thus undermining the confidence of your opponents. B) The introduction of maths into the game will make your opponent’s quiver. This simple strategy is good for at least two hoops before your opponent’s stop shaking with mind-numbing fear.

2. Imply there is an underlying threat of physical violence

Few things can unsettle an opponent’s confidence more effectively than implying that things could turn ugly if the result doesn’t go your way.

This technique is best employed just at the start of the game when you are all ready to play to Hoop 1.  As everyone has said “Have a good game,” say to your partner (quietly, but so your opponents can hear) “Remember, no biting this time!” In actuality, this technique only works if you’re partnering Peter Hill or Gill Brooks.

3. Introduce medical trepidation

At a crucial stage in the game, massage your left arm and ask both of your opponents if they know what the code  for the AED is. When you’re asked by the opposition if you’re feeling ok, say “Yes, yes…it’ll pass,” then in view, slip a tablet under your tongue. A Cherry Cola Tic Tac is ideal for this. This is a particularly effective technique when your opponent is preparing for a clearing shot.

4. Give the impression you have a plan

Nothing throws opponents off more than giving the impression that you have a secret strategy up your waterproofs.

I remember partnering Alan Stevens once on a rollup. There was a particularly tricky situation in front of Hoop 7 and our opponents were deliberating extensively over their next move. I wandered over to Alan and turned away from our opponents. I heard our opponents speculating on whether we had a strategy, when in fact I merely whispered to Alan that I had a really nice curry in Birmingham in 1972. We won the hoop. It really does pay to spice things up this way occasionally.

5. Get a clicker

Scoring devices are essential if you are really serious about winning at GC – but be careful when choosing your unit. It MUST emit an audible click if it’s to be effective.

A well-timed click can distract an opponent as they are about to take their stroke, but the possession of a clicker really does separate the men from the boys.

Clickers are best used to intimidate opponents who are…leisurely when they are lining up their shots. By coordinating with a similarly armed doubles partner, an opponent can be flustered when after a minute or so, you and your partner can operate the clickers so that they sound like crickets in the dusk. This is particularly useful technique when David Harington is lining up a shot.

I remember Chris Croft helping me and my partner win a hoop when he threw in the distraction “Watch out! He’s got his clicker out!”  He should really  have added a Frankie Howerd “Missus,” but it still had the desired effect.

6. Sledging

Sledging is the art of deliberately insulting or verbally intimidating an opposing player, used to great effect in cricket.

This can be best used against John Guy. “How are the Albion doing John?” slipped in just as he’s about to take a shot at a hoop from a distance, is well worth a punt. The tears welling up in his eyes are sometimes hard to take.

Jim Norris’s variation on sledging comes in the form of sixth-former jokes. The nausea induced by Jim in his opponents is often worth a couple of hoops until their anti-emetics take effect.  

7. Appealing for sympathy

This technique is best employed when you are just in front of the hoop and is most effective when delivered in an intimate whisper to the player who is intending to clear you.

Go close up to your opponent, smile sweetly and delicately whisper “If you have any ounce of humanity in your soul, you wouldn’t clear me.”

Don’t bother appealing to Janet Barber though. Hard as nails.

8. Mesmerise the opposition

Again, David Harington is a master of this, by inducing drowsiness in his opponents with his somnambulistic lining up technique.

But confusing the opposition right at the start of the game has been perfected by Gerry Stevens and Mary Dryden in what I like to call the GerryMarying method.

Both of them employ the technique when nobody has a coin to toss. They put two balls behind their backs and then make the opponents call a colour and then repeat the procedure. The beauty of this system is that their opponents don’t know which side they are playing on until they are three hoops down.

9. Feigning haplessness

This is employed to induce overconfidence in the opponent(s).

Expert proponents of this technique are Sue Curphey, who persistently tries to give the impression she’s a newcomer to the game and Brian Humphreys, who tries to perpetuate the illusion that he doesn’t know which way he’s playing and doesn’t know his left from his right.

Sometimes, players might NOT be feigning haplessness – they just are – Stuart Smith being a prime example.

10. Call a fault

Calling a fault in front of the hoop will halt an opponent’s flow.  Calling a crush or a double-tap will throw a real spanner in the works, since nobody in Broadwas knows what a double-tap or crush is so they can dispute the call.  The same goes for playing the wrong ball. If you magnanimously let the opponent off with the fault, you might just be allowed to get a hoop even though you ‘accidentally’ kicked the opponent’s ball out the way. “He let me off, I suppose I should let him off.”

11. Wear the right gear

You can’t expect to win any games if you don’t wear the right headgear. How do you think Jon Carrington wins all those competitions he goes in for? It’s all in the hat….or so I thought.

A few months ago, Jon was in the clubhouse asking if anyone wanted his castoff hat – a slightly smaller version of the one he always wears when playing. Naturally, I snapped up the offer and wore it constantly for competition games. For the next few weeks I won every competition game I played. THEN, the spell wore off and I realised I’d got a dud. If I’d bought it at Millets, I’d have demanded a refund.

On reflection, I should have used some dirty tricks (see above).

NEXT TIME: When is the most strategic and tactically appropriate time to go for a wee?

Paul Felton

*Baz Luhrmann

Blocks Competition Results 2024

Stuart Smith won most net games over the season’s blocks competition

The conclusion of the club’s level play Blocks Competition 2024 has brought some interesting results.

The competition’s creator and organiser Jeff Faulkner released the results over the weekend.  

Jeff said that because of the late start to the season and early finish brought on by the weather, only 130 matches were played this season. Thirty-three players took part in the competition this year.

Jeff said “I dreamt up the blocks in 2020 as a way of having some competitive play during COVID and they were meant to be a temporary expedient before we could return to our normal internal competitions. However, they were so popular that we have just finished the fifth season.”

Although the number of matches possible this year was down, Jeff said the number of matches per season have been ‘pretty constant at around 170.’ He said there was “a dramatic peak in 2021 when 243 matches happened!!”

Net Games Won

It’s perhaps no surprise that zero-handicap Stuart Smith was at the top of the table for Net Games Won over the season. Stuart grabbed twelve net wins during the 2024 competition.

But a close runner-up to Stuart was ten-handicap Keith Parsons, who won an impressive nine net games over the course of the competition, edging ahead of two-handicap Roger Wood, with his six net wins.

Keith Parsons – runner-up to Stuart Smith for most net wins

Billy Cooke, Chris Croft, Jackie Guy and Peter Hill all tied on four net wins over the season, closely followed by Jon Carrington, David Kaner and John Kingsley, who all netted three games each.

Most Improved Player By Index Change

Peter Hill was by far the Most Improved Player By Index Change during 2024. Peter ended the season with an immensely impressive 147 point boost to his handicap card. In August, his handicap officially stood at six.

Peter Hill – the club’s most improved player by index change, pictured earlier in the seaspn

Runner-up to Peter was four-handicap Jim Dryden, who added 82 points to his index during the 2024 competition.

Jim Dryden pictured in action earlier in the season

But Peter wasn’t the only winner in the Hill household – for third-placed in the category was Diana Hill. Diana earned 68 points during the competition.

Also high up on the index improvement leaderboard were Keith Parsons, adding 65 points to his index, closely followed by Roger Wood, who added 62 to his tally.

Billy Cooke also added a respectable 46 points to his tally, while David Kaner added 44, followed by Chris Croft (37) and Jeff Faulkner (30).

Once again, the Blocks Competition has been highly enjoyable. Many thanks to Jeff Faulkner for his hard work during the season.

The full list of results can be seen below

Paul Felton

When a body was found on the lawns at Broadwas Croquet Club, everyone became a suspect…

CHAPTER ONE

“If the police aren’t going to do anything about it, then WE must!!”

The Broadwas Croquet Club committee sat in stunned silence, chilled to the core by the news that they’d just received from chairman Fran Wall.

The body had been found on lawn three on Monday morning, discovered by Nick Reed as he was about to unleash the mowers ready for the weekly cut. As Nick approached the shed, his mind preoccupied with worries about which mower would require mechanical attention today, he suddenly spotted a shapeless mound on lawn three, which had attracted the attention of a murder of crows.

Nick’s pace began to slow as he approached the sizeable amorphous lump, reluctantly, tentatively edging forward until he could just about identify the object lying prostrate on the lawn. The atmosphere on the lawns was very eerie.

Nick suddenly jumped in the air as he heard a scream.

“SHUT THE BLOODY GATE!”

It was John Guy. Nick had forgotten to shut the bloody gate.

Nick beckoned John over and they both, very gingerly, crept forward, finally being confronted by a bloody corpse just in front of hoop five. Despite himself, Nick licked his lips.

The unclothed body appeared to have been battered and neither Nick nor John could identify the victim. This poor soul had been the subject of a vicious attack with a blunt object – battered beyond all recognition.

With blood drained from his face, Nick wandered off to phone the police.

By the time the police arrived, most of the lawns were cut, apart from  a nine metre square area around hoop five. Nick’s elite mowing team were always focussed on the job and the odd corpse on the lawns proved to be little deterrent to such a determined band of plucky volunteers.

Nick and John were appalled by the attitude of the police officer who arrive to investigate the vicious crime. She seemed starkly disinterested in the concerns of Nick and John and gave the impression that this sort of crime was run-of-the-mill and very much beneath the duties of the  ‘very busy’ West Mercia Constabulary. As she drove her patrol car back on to Stoney Ley, she shouted “I’ll send forensics up when they’re not too busy!”  As she edged down the lane, she added sarcastically “And Interpol…”

But the police never returned and the body lay under a tarpaulin for a full 24 hours.  An emergency committee meeting was called and as they sat in the clubhouse, staring out at the wretched soul on lawn three, the committee members were at a loss as to what to do next.  

“It’s murder!” exclaimed Fran. “And the police apparently aren’t going to do anything about it. We need to find out who did this! We have a killer in the club and we need to track him…OR her, down! A private investigator?”

“I fully agree with finding the killer Fran,” said treasurer Stuart Smith.

“…Although, if we find the murderer and rescind their membership, our income will be reduced slightly. I might have to look at the club’s finances again and think about raising membership fees.”

The other committee members quietly nodded as they took on board the prospect of potentially serious financial consequences arising out of any successful investigation into this truly grisly crime.

“Might I suggest that WE carry out the investigation?”

Everyone turned to  Gill Richardson. “We can be pretty sure that it was a club member who did it. I mean, the gate had the chain secured on the nail when Nick arrived yesterday, so it wasn’t some opportunistic sadistic killer who was just passing by who popped in for a quick slaughtering and then closed the gate neatly after themselves.”

“We know everyone in the club and all their quirks and foibles. Surely, we can work out who did this?” she added.

“I think that’s a great idea Gill, but in the absence of a proper police investigation, I think we should take it one step at a time,” said Fran. “We should try and figure out who would be capable of such a murderous act, and then go on to figure out the motive.”

John Guy picked up his briefcase off the floor and rummaged in it. “I’ve got some statistics here,” he said. “They might give us some clues as to who the likely suspects might be.”

“How can statistics help us, John?” Eileen Holt was sceptical.

“Well, for example,” John replied. “Lawn usage might give us a clue.  If we look at the members who never book lawn three, it might give us some idea of a potential culprit.  I mean, would YOU slaughter someone on lawn three if it was YOUR favourite lawn?”

“That’s true,” said Paula. “What about those blokes who only ever play on a Thursday afternoon  when nobody else is around?”

Jon Carrington interjected “Good point! I’ve never seen them on any lawn other than four. Who knows what other dastardly deeds they’ve got planned for lawns one, two  and five!”

John Guy was still shuffling through a massive file with ‘Lawn Booking Stats’ labelled on the front.

“There we go…Geoff Hill, Nick Dean, Chris Bray,  Phil Apperley and Patrick Linturn have booked lawn four at 1.00pm on a Thursday since records began. They’ve had that lawn 97.6543% of the time it was available on a Thursday afternoon.” “AND,” he said, stabbing at a calculator, “I’m pretty sure that figure is 73.45674% accurate.”

“Good!” exclaimed Jon. “I hate that lawn.”  There were general murmurs of agreement from the committee table. “At least lawn four is put to some use though. I had to mow it AGAIN on Monday,” Jon added, bitterly.

“But the fact that they CHOOSE lawn four every week must surely indicate that they are somehow deranged?” said Nick.

“AND some of them are ex-Worcestershire County Council workers…so they are capable of disseminating effective evil with abandon. In fact, it’s probably in their job description.”

“I see your point” said Fran. “The Thursday boys go to the top of the list – for now.”

“That’s all very well,” said Paula, “But who in the club would have a motive for carrying out such a barbaric act?”

“Someone with a deep grudge,” Jon muttered, almost imperceptibly. “A borderline psychopath.”

There was a unified intake of breath from the committee members as they pondered Jon’s words and almost as one, they squealed “PETER HILL!”

Jon interrupted. “Hang on, hang on! Peter’s anger is always directed against himself – mainly when he misses a shot even a two-year old would hoop, blindfolded. It happens a lot, but I’ve rarely seen Peter take a swing at anyone in anger…he mostly prefers biting. But think! Who lives with Peter and has to bear all of the tension that exists in Great Witley? Who really needs to let out the stress more than anyone on the planet?”

“DIANA !” the committee shouted.

Fran made a note on his sheet of A4. “Straight to the top of the list I think.”

David Kaner interrupted. “Am I minuting this?”

“For the safety of everyone on the committee, leave the bit out about Peter. We don’t want to risk another corpse for the moment,” reflected Fran.

Then Nick said “Excuse me chair. If Diana is going to the top of the list, what about Jackie Guy – same reasoning.”

John shouted “Agreed! Fair enough! Put Jackie at the VERY TOP of the list. The things that girl has to put up with…”  

“Here, Here” murmured Eileen, a little too emphatically.

“Look!” said Fran. Shall we just run through members who can’t possibly fall under suspicion? People like Barry Kirby?”

Gill said “You mean Barry, ‘Keep your head down’ Barry? Barry with the only metal mallet in the club licensed by the National Rifle Association? People around Broadwas are saying that on the night of the murder, they heard an unearthly metallic clanging emanating from the pinnacle of Stoney Ley. I’d put him right up there with the Lawn Four Five if I were you.”

“On…the…list” noted Fran.

“Are we all convinced that  a mallet was the murder weapon?” Eileen asked.

“Pretty much” Jon replied. “There was an oblong dent in the skull. It looked like a good mallet.”

“In that case,” Eileen said, “We can rule out David Harington. By the time he’d taken aim, the victim would have had the time to stroll off down the Royal Oak AND had a pint and a pie. Actually, after his recent horizontal lining-up antics in the blocks, you can eliminate Stuart as well.”

“Shall I minute that?” asked David.

“Pauline Watson!”

“What?” said John.

“She’s been doing a huge amount of practice recently, especially on jumping. She’s getting good at it. It’s quite a hefty swing she’s developed. Just sayin,’” said Jon.

“Personally, I’d put all the Association Croquet players on the list” said Nick. “It makes sense. To enjoy playing AC, they’ve all got to have some sort of deeply deranged personality disorder. They relish isolation and abandonment. Let’s face it, AC fanatics all demonstrate the same psychological profiles as serial killers – they’re all loners – they all just sit there, quietly watching…AND judging! Put the Ians’ – Lambert and Dampney on the list. And don’t forget to add present company! Guy, Smith and Kaner. All highly suspicious in my view. Oh, and while you’re at it, put Debbie Kaner down as well. She’s married to a fanatical AC player. It rubs off, you know, AND I’ve seen her voluntarily play on lawn one. Very dubious behaviour.”

John objected loudly “Just because we like the game for grown-ups  doesn’t automatically mean we’re kill…”

“On the list” said Fran.  

“HANG ON A MINUTE!! We’re missing the blindingly obvious here” exclaimed Jon. “JIM NORRIS!”

“What about him?” David asked.

“Has he told you the one about the…”

David facepalmed. “I’ve heard them all.”

“Exactly!” said Jon. “Just imagine you’ve just about had your fill of his jokes and he starts to tell you about the three blokes who want to go golfing and they have to bargain with their wives, and you just…SNAP! Well, who knows what Jim would be capable of if someone refused to listen until he got to the punchline?”

“Good point,” said Gill.  “AND he must have been planning this for a long time. He’s even got an escape route to Ealing all worked out.”

“Obviously Jim should go straight to the top” Fran agreed. “AND Roger Wood? What do we think?”

“Absolutely!” the committee agreed unanimously.

“All that Einstein hair. Roger MUST be an evil genius,” said Fran, scribbling away. “AND he quite obviously hates handicap marbles. There’s a lot of anger and resentment bubbling away there.”

“We mustn’t forget the club detective,” said David. “We can’t rule Brian Humphries out. You have to wonder why the police are reluctant to investigate. I reckon Brian could be influencing the local force so they don’t look into it properly. Something to hide maybe?”

“Brian’s definitely a dodgy one” said Felton. He’s right up there with Vivien Ellis, Jennifer Whittaker and Peter Lawrence to my mind. Stick ‘em all down on the list. We need to look at them all, VERY closely.”

“At least we can rule out Janet Barber,” Gill suggested.

“WHAT??” exclaimed Felton. “Have you ever watched her face when she’s ruthlessly clearing you from right in front of the hoop? Look closely next time. She has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.  Same goes for Catherine and John Lane. On the list, Mr Chairman.”

“Done!” said Fran with a flourish. “That’s quite a list of suspects we’ve got now. Surely, we  must have SOME members who above suspicion.”

“Come off it!” said Felton. “We all play GC. Let’s face it, it’s an EVIL game. I once saw it described as a nasty game played by nice people, but if you actually enjoy playing a nasty game, surely deep down you must be innately malevolent? I’m not, obviously.”

“That’s all very well, countered Nick. “But what about people like Chris Croft.”

“WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT” exclaimed Felton. “He brings in those exquisite cakes every Friday. Don’t you DARE sully his name. The man is a saint. And the same goes for Mary Dryden. She brings cakes up to the mower drivers on a Monday.”

“W…W…WHAT?” shouted Nick. “Mary never brings any to my team!”

“That’s because Jim Dryden isn’t in YOUR team…DUH!”

“Look, can we get on with it” said Nick in exasperation. I mean we haven’t looked at Janet Bedford yet…”

“Well she DOES have the air of a professional assassin” said John. “Good AC player though, so don’t put her on the list. I need her for next season.”

“Sorry” said Fran. “I already snuck her on. Can we eliminate some OBVIOUSLY incapable killers please? This meeting’s going on much longer than anticipated. We need to talk about the annual lunch next.”

“Shona Smith?” said John.

“Nope. She has a dodgy hoop counter. List her!”  said Felton.

“Dodgy hoop counter?” queried Stuart.

“Yes. Have you ever heard it?” Felton asked.

“Can’t say I have.”

“EXACTLY!” It doesn’t make a noise. It’s a stealth clicker…AND…it’s cylindrical! VERY suspicious.”

Everyone gasped and the room fell silent for a few seconds, the only noise in the clubhouse coming from Fran’s furiously scribbling pen.   

“How about Billy Nicholson then? Surely he’s not capable of violence?” suggested John.

“AND it’s a long way from Pershore. Do killer’s like travelling?” Eileen asked.

“Well, Billy certainly relished travelling to Europe” replied Felton, “So distance is no object to him. I looked at the murder statistics for the time the European team were in Prague and there were a number of killings in the EU around the time of the tournament. That affable, butter-wouldn’t-melt demeanour is an attempt to throw us off the track! And if he can skip across to Broadwas to play from Pershore at the drop of a hat, he could easily cross a couple of borders for a quick bit of playful homicide while he was sitting out his bye.”

“I don’t think I have any choice but to put Mr Nicholson on the list with the other potential miscreants,” agreed Fran. “But surely we can eliminate the Brooks’s?”

“Nope!” Felton muttered. “They would have worked as a team. Gill could have sat on the victim while Keith did the deed. It’s obvious. Gill’s a Brummay! She definitely gives off Peaky Blinder vibes, PLUS, she used to be an AC player!”

“You’ve been pointing a lot of fingers this morning, Felton” Jon said, sternly. “Why aren’t you on the list? I narrowly avoided being bumped off by you last year when you nearly reversed over me with the tractor, AND I hear you nearly saw off Chris Croft and Stuart the other week when you crashed a mower into the tractor.”

“But that wasn’t malevolent…it was…it was…clumsy!” he countered.

“Be that as it may” said Jon. “I’m making a phone note even if Fran doesn’t.”

“Come come gents. Let’s calm down a bit,” said Eileen. “Nobody is pointing a finger at anyone.”

“But they are!” laughed John Guy, bitterly.  “That’s exactly what we’ve been doing all morning. There have been thirty fingers pointed so far! That’s very roughly, 43.47826% of the membership!”

“Dave Holt,” said Gill, quietly. “As the club handyman, he knows how to use blunt objects to devastating effect.”

“Yeah, he does,” agreed Eileen. “Great use of accusatory digits there, Gill. Put him down Fran!”

“We MUST be able to eliminate Alan Stevens from the list?” asked Nick.

“Why?” said Felton. “Have you ever been at the sharp end of his sarcasm?”  Felton’s lower lip quivered. “It hurts.” He wiped away his tears and gave a big blow into his tissue.   “AND, he’s a Brummie”, he continued. “He’s an out an out wrong ‘un.”

“But not Gerry?” said Nick.

“Married to a Brummie. She’s almost certainly corrupted by association. Move on.”

“And then, of course, we have the stalkers,” said Nick.

“The who?”

“The stalkers…Jeff and Jean Faulkner. Have you seen the way they size up the hoops? They’re like leopards hunting antelope. And when they go in for the kill…” Nick stood up and imitated Jeff’s side-saddle jump shots to make his point.

The room drew in its collective breath and nodded in agreement.

“Nobody has mentioned John Steel yet,” said Fran.

“Preposterous idea” Jon guffawed. Steely wouldn’t bother killing unless he could raise sponsorship money for it…don’t anyone mention that idea to him by the way. He’d like a new clubhouse. It’d be a bloodbath.”

“What about Norman Ward?” Gill asked. “Norman wouldn’t be capable of hurting anything.”

“You ARE joking,” Felton scoffed. “I’ve seen him close up. He tries to give this impression of easy-going affability, but he’s like a viper, waiting to strike. AND he once worked with amateur thespians at Bromyard so I bet he picked up a few tricks off Agatha Christie on the way.

“This list is getting a mile long” Fran complained. “Surely we can eliminate some easy ones. How about  Keith Parsons?”

“Yes, he should be eliminated straight off,” said Gill. “He’s a titan of golf croquet…above reproach in my estimation Admittedly, he has a funny way of  lining up his shot with all that aiming…”

“Titan? Pah! You can say that again about his lining up though. It’s weird!” Felton exploded. “He THINKS he looks like Robin Hood about to alleviate mediaeval poverty with a well-aimed arrow, but he ACTUALLY looks like he’s trying to down a particularly resilient cobweb with a cast-iron feather duster. AND have you ever noticed he always parks OUTSIDE the gate? He’s constantly  setting himself up for a quick getaway, I reckon. Put him on the list!”

“Well I’m not putting the Cooke’s down on the list, before anyone suggests them!” Said Fran.  “Look at him,” Fran whispered, looking at Billy Whizzbang practising jumping hoop two from just in front of hoop one. He continued “Billy is only interested in scoring hoops and the lad will bring greatness to the club one day, while Gwen couldn’t have done it because none of the club mallets were bloodstained. Billy hasn’t gotten around to buying Gwen her own mallet yet. I think he’s waiting for a big birthday or an anniversary.”

“I think our newest members should be eliminated as suspects, said Felton, magnanimously.  “Peter Dobson is still trying to find his way around the lawns and John Kingsley would take too much time to  line the victim up before bashing his brains in – I mean one day, I would swear that he was lining his mallet up to pick up a Starlink signal. It worked, mind you.”  

“Put Alison Disley on the list though. When she’s hooping, she has the air of an exterminator,” Felton added emphatically. “And while we’re at it, Derry Bancroft is another butter-wouldn’t melt, suspect. The man’s driven! I’ve seen him practising his jump shots on a wet Sunday morning, close up! The glint in his eye chilled me to the core. Absolutely manic!”

“I really hadn’t realised that we’re surrounded by complete and utter maniacs,” Stuart said quietly. “When you look at it as closely as we are doing, it’s quite obvious that people you wouldn’t suspect in a million years, like Howard Freeman and Josie Watson are almost certainly harbouring homicidal tendencies. Josie is cut-throat on the lawns and  look at Howard. One day he can hoop from ten yards, the next he misses a sitter. Erratic. The hallmark of a killer. On the list, I’d say.”

“Yes but Andrea Draper and David Creed-Newton must surely be totally above suspicion,” said Paula. “They come across as being so gentle.”

“Nonsense,” said Felton. “Andrea’s a writer – she would be more than capable of creating such a devious and dastardly scenario as that out there – and as for David – have you ever known a man who takes as many holidays as he does? Mafia connections, without a shadow of a doubt. Write them both down in a big, thick red Sharpie, Mr Wall.”

“But surely Emma Laws is above reproach,” said Gill.

Felton guffawed. “WHAT??? I was playing against her in a doubles once, and when we won and I did a victory dance in front of her, she told me to ****  *** *** *****!” he mouthed.

“GOOD FOR HER,” said John. “Then she’s DEFINITLY not going on the list!”

“Sue Curphey can’t be under any suspicion, surely,” said Eileen.

“And why not, exactly?” said Felton. “She lives in Lower Broadheath. There are lots of dubious folk in Broadheath. And for that very reason. I’d put Hazel down on the suspect list as well if I were you…AND underline it.”

“What about Malcolm Armstrong?” asked Paula Armstrong.

“YES!” shouted Felton. “On the list.”

“That’s only because he beats you every time he plays you,” protested Paula.

“EXACTLY. It’ll put him off his game. P L E A S E put him on the list, Fran.”

“OK. Just for you,” said Fran.

“So now we’ve established that all these members could be killers,  can we PLEASE think about the motive for the killing?” John Guy pleaded.

The committee fell silent for a minute. Completely stumped.

Then suddenly the silence was broken by an almost inaudible whisper.

“I think it may have been me.”

Everyone turned to Felton.

“It may have been you, what?” said Nick.

“I may have done the killing!”

“What do you mean?” asked Fran.

Suddenly really embarrassed, Felton explained.

“Well,” he said, supressing a nervous giggle. I suddently remembered. I decided to have an impromptu practice session late on Sunday, after I’d come up to have a look at the new white-lining machine. It was quite dark by the time I’d washed my balls. I put them back in the clubhouse, then I realised I’d left my mallet on lawn three.”

“So?” said Jon.

“Well, I went to retrieve it and as I walked back over the lawn, because my hands were slippery, I dropped my mallet,” Felton gulped.

“And?”

“Well I heard a little squeak, now I recall. But it was dark, so I didn’t bother to explore for the source of the noise. I thought the squeak was from my new croquet shoes” Felton explained.

Felton gulped even harder as he confessed.

“Erm, Ooopsie! I’m pretty sure I accidentally killed the rabbit!”

“I KNEW IT! You clumsy idiot!” exclaimed Jon Carrington.

“Meeting closed!” said Fran. “Let’s not fret about it. After all, it WAS only a rabbit. Anybody for a quick game of singles before rollup?”

THE END

Look out for the next in the Tuesday And Friday Murder Club series – ‘The Brush That Missed’ (The Little Bit Of Mud On The Yellow And Earned A Rollicking From John Guy)

Will Drake – 1923-2024

Will pictured trying out his bench, with great grandchildren Bay Barnett (4) and Margot (6) at the presentation, in 2023

Club members were saddened this week at the passing of the club’s oldest member, Will Drake.

Will was a very competent croquet player and in his younger days competed in national A-Level GC tournaments, reaching a handicap of six.

At the club’s annual pig roast in 2023, Will was presented with his own bench at the club, purchased by family and friends, to commemorate his centenary. The presentation was made by club treasurer Stuart Smith, Will’s son-in-law.   

Will is seen with (from left) Stuart Smith, daughter Jill, and great grandchildren Bay Barnett and sister Margot, with Will’s granddaughter Laura.

On announcing Will’s passing, club captain John Guy wrote:

It is with great sadness that I have to give you the news that Will Drake sadly passed away last evening at the grand old age of 101. I am sure you will join me in offering our sincere condolences to Stuart and Jill and their family.

Will was not only Stuart Smith’s father-in-law but also a very keen (and very good) croquet player up until a few years ago. When he lived in Yorkshire he was a regular visitor to Broadwas Croquet Club whilst visiting Stuart, and when he moved to Bromyard he became a member of our club regularly beating a lot of us when he was in his mid to late 90’s. 

When ill health curtailed his playing he retained social membership of the club – I am sure many of you will remember his 100th birthday at the club when, surrounded by many generations of his family, he was presented with a bench which stands outside the clubhouse to this day.

So the next time you sit on Will’s bench with a cup of tea spare a thought for Will who is still playing somewhere with his home made mallet.

RIP Will 

We send our best wishes and condolences to Jill, Stuart and their family.

Paul Felton

  

There’s Still Lots Of Activity At Broadwas Croquet Club!

Barry Kirby congratulates Peter Hill at the end of their epic blocks match on Thursday.

We may be plummeting towards the end of the season, but the enthusiasm for success in the club’s blocks competition hasn’t diminished.

Despite the heavy rainfall over the past couple of days, four club players turned out on an unexpectedly sunny Thursday morning, competing in two hard-fought three-game thrillers.

Gill Brooks and Brian Humphreys met on Lawn 2 in their match in the Pink Block, while Barry Kirby took on the club’s current ‘Most Improved Player’ – Peter Hill, on Lawn 3 in the Black Block.

Barry hooped from a distance with his magnificent jump shot against Peter.

Both matches contained 13-hoop games and both of the winners of the tie-break hoops went on to win their respective games overall.

Peter hoops his yellow. You can see the smile already beginning to form at the corners of his mouth.

Both games were highly entertaining, with all four players giving their all.

There was everything to play for in the Hill v Kirby match. Peter was aiming to not only improve his handicap, but also maintain his impressive lead in the ‘most-improved’ league table, whilst Barry was hoping to keep a firm grip on his status as a 4-handicap.

Gill Brooks hoops her red during the final game of her clash with Brian Humphreys.

Despite scoring a magnificent, jumped hoop with his black, Barry was unable to capitalise on his accuracy, eventually losing to the indefatigable Peter Hill (6-handicap), 7-5, 6-7, 4-7.

Meanwhile on the ‘show-lawn,’ 10-handicap Brian eventually beat Gill (11) on the 13th hoop in the last game. The final score was 6-7, 7-4, 7-6, to Brian.

Brian hoops blue from an acute angle.
Barry hoops his blue.
Really Brian! Is that absolutely necessary??!! That raspberry is now recorded for all posterity, I hope you know that!
Brian looks on anxiously as Gill clears his black with red.
There he goes again! Peter hoops his red from an impressive distance.


Peter Hill’s anonymous, yet sycophantic fan club, erected this message of support for their hero, in the clubhouse.
It was a hard couple of first games. Gill returns to the clubhouse for a refreshing cuppa before commencing the final game of the match.
I wonder who won??
Now, the hard work. The working out of the index change after a level play match.
Look at that liddle face! He was already the club leader in terms of index change at the end of August. That is the face of a man who know his index has risen astronomically, yet again.

The Club Bell

The club’s handbell has returned to the clubhouse after a splendid repair has been completed on the handle. The repair to the bell was organised by Gill Richardson.

The bell – donated to the club many years ago by founder member Janet Barber – has also received a sprucing up in the form of a varnishing, to the formerly well-worn and damaged handle.

The bell should make a return to active duty at Chris Croft’s Friday Roll-Up on September 27th.  

Gill Richardson with the clubhouse bell, restored to its former glory.

Annual Lunch

As you all know, the club’s Social Secretary Paula Armstrong is busy putting the final touches to the organisation of the club’s annual presentation lunch due to be held at the Royal Oak on Tuesday, November 19th.

The club hopes to hold another successful raffle at the lunch this year. Donations of raffle prizes from members would be very welcome. They may be left at the club, for the attention of Stuart Smith or Gill Richardson.

Lawn Status

With the weather having been well-short of clement over the past few days, it may be worth drawing your attention to a feature of the website that you may not be aware of.

As you know, emails are sent to all members as soon as possible if closures of the lawns have had to be imposed. But if you go on to the website, you can easily see the status of the lawns by going to the top of the Broadwas Croquet Club website page and pressing the Ground Status link.  The Ground Status link is updated whenever there are disruptions to play at the club.

Billy Cooke

Again, best of luck to Bill Cooke who is competing in the national GC C-Level (7+) Series final at Watford over the weekend of 28th and 29th of September.

Paul Felton

Broadwas Player Succeeds In National Competition Final

Fran Wall is congratulated on his Plate Knockout win by tournament manager, Jeff Dawson.

Broadwas Croquet Club chairman Fran Wall triumphed in a National Golf Croquet competition  final on Sunday afternoon.

Fran was competing in the two-day Golf Croquet B-Level (3+) Series National Final held at East Dorset Croquet Club, Poole.

Fran was joined in the competition by fellow Broadwas player, Billy Cooke.

Fran qualified for the B-Level final by winning the Bury heat of the competition in mid-May.  

Billy reached the final by winning the Broadwas heat of the competition in July.

Both Fran and Billy battled through eight tough games in Group A on Saturday. Seventeen players in total competed in the group stage.

In the Group matches, Fran beat fellow 2-handicap Steve Durston of Nailsea, 7-5.

Meanwhile, Billy (2-handicap)  beat Guildford’s Andrew Lockwood (4-handicap), 7-6.

When the two Broadwas players met each other in the Group stage, Billy shook Fran by beating him 7-0!

Fran told me: “When Billy and I played each other we were playing it like a club roll up with a few risque jokes on the way. I was playing very badly, couldn’t get the length right, kept blocking myself,  couldn’t hoop. Hopeless.”

But it all came together on Sunday for Fran when he reached the Plate Knockout stage.

Fran beat Steve Pearson (2-handicap) 6-5 in the first round and then went on to convincingly beat Philip Tremble of Guildford (3-handicap), 7-4 in the semi-final.

Fran was well-focussed by the final, convincingly beating Colin Spencer of Downham (2-handicap) 7-2 in his last game of the day.

Fran Wall pictured with fellow national finalists, on Sunday.

Conditions in Dorset weren’t ideal on Sunday, with standing water having to be brushed off the lawns. Only one lawn was usable at the start of the day until the rain cleared and other lawns opened.

After Fran’s difficult day on Saturday, he was happy with the playing conditions on day two. He said “The weather was much better than expected. Today it (his game) came together, possibly because the lawn was damp and gripping.”

By winning the Plate Knockout, Fran took 9th place overall in the national competition.

The overall winner of the national final was Douglas Shand (left) of Guilford, who beat Trevor Smith of Budleigh, 10-5.

Overall B-Level winner Douglas Shand (left) is seen receiving the tournament trophy from Jeff Dawson, pictured with runner-up, Trevor Smith

Well done Fran and good luck Billy next week in the National C-Level finals at Watford.

Paul Felton

NEWS SUMMARY: World-Class Tournament Advantage Golf Croquet. Is There ANY More Room For Improvement, Peter Hill? Two Of Our Players Take Part In National Finals

Next season, the Saucer?! The Other Bloke with the Open Golf Croquet Plate. (Image: John Carrington…if you hadn’t guessed!)

Plate Final

Fret no more.

The long-awaited result of the Broadwas Croquet Club Golf Open Singles Advantage Handicap Plate can finally be revealed.

After a season-long knockout competition which began with  28 players, two of the club’s behemoths of Golf Croquet – Brian Humphreys and another bloke – took to Lawn 2 for the final Advantage Handicap Plate final, watched by an impassioned crowd who turned up early on a chilly autumnal Thursday to watch some of the finest displays of GC ever witnessed on Mount Stoney Ley.

Brian Humphreys (right) and the Other (little) Bloke, pictured before the final

In order to qualify to play in the Handicap Plate, Brian had to be knocked out of the 2024 Championship. Brian achieved this by losing to Hazel Felton, 4-7, 0-7. 

The Other Bloke managed to qualify for inclusion in the Plate competition by losing 5-7, 4-7, to Jim Dryden.

Once he was in the REAL competition of the year, Brian beat Emma Laws 7-1, 7-5 in the first round.  He then knocked out Gerry Stevens in the second round after winning a three-game battle, 4-7, 7-5, 7-2.

Brian then faced an extremely tough semi-final against the ever-tricky Peter Hill, but against the odds, he came out victorious with an impressive 7-5, 7-5 two-game victory.

The Other Bloke, meanwhile, SOMEHOW managed to beat Barry Kirby 7-2, 6-7, 7-6 in the first round. At that time, in fairness, Barry  was still trying to get to know his new metal mallet and was attempting to establish a reliable method of counteracting the eardrum shattering noise emanating from the aerodynamic metallic head, as does everyone in the county of Worcestershire every time Barry plays. Anyway, the Other Bloke then (and it could ONLY be by channelling  dark and evil forces) managed to win a rare match against Malcolm Armstrong, 7-6, 4-7, 7-2, to take him into the semi-finals.  The Other Bloke then had a tense semI-final battle with Derry Bancroft – another very tricky individual – whom he finally beat 7-5, 5-7, 7-4, to reach the final.

Played in slightly chilly, overcast conditions at the start of the game, spirits were raised within both players by the arrival of 50% of the match crowd, Peter Hill. (The sale of tickets really didn’t go as well as they did for Taylor Swift).

50% of the crowd who watched the final

The game began with a ten-minute clearing battle at the first hoop, with the Other Bloke taking first blood and putting Brian two hoops down. Brian – the plate holder –  started the game at -1 due to the advantage handicap scoring system.

About two thirds of the way through the first game, the finalists lost half of their audience, but the crowd was replenished when Chris Croft arrived to give the players some moral support. The support of Peter and Chris was much appreciated.

Brian as he lines up to hoop his black (Image: Peter Hill)

Knowing he was being scrutinised by much better players, the  Other Bloke had to raise his game in order to keep on top of clearing Brian away from the hoop. Brian was relentless in positioning his blue and black in excellent scoring positions, but finally, the Other Bloke managed to take the first game, 7-5.

Despite more extremely accurate  positioning in front of the hoop, Brian was unable to capitalise on his fine preparatory work, finally going down 3-7, to the Other Bloke. The Other Bloke would like to thank Keith Parsons and Malcolm Armstrong for their help in prepping him for the final with practice matches.

The Other Bloke hoops his yellow (Image: Peter Hill)

The Advantage competition has been a joy to play in over the past two seasons. Many thanks to club captain John Guy for setting up and organising the competition. If you haven’t taken part in the competition yet, have a go in 2025. It’s great fun. The final of the main competition will be played between Mary Dryden and Jon Carrington.

Most Improved Player

As the club’s GC Level Play Blocks competition draws to a close it’s interesting to study the latest player statistics posted by the competition’s organiser, Jeff Faulkner.

Jeff’s analysis of statistics from the block matches has shown that the Most Improved (GC) Player of the 2024 season so far – in terms of his index change, is Peter Hill.

Peter improved his index by a phenomenal 121 points over the season.

Peter Hill in action earlier in the season. Peter attributes his success, to cake and biscuits.

Roger Wood improved his index by 62 points, followed by Billy Cooke (46), David Kaner 44), Gill Brooks (44), Jon Carrington (42) and Keith Parsons (41).

Meanwhile, Stuart Smith tops the chart for Most Net Wins in the blocks, with nine wins to his name up until the end of August.

Stuart is closely followed by Roger Wood, Keith Parsons and Gill Brooks who all scored six wins. John Carrington scored five wins by the end of August.

We look forward to more analysis from Jeff in the next few weeks.

And Good Luck To Our National B-Level Players

Fran Wall and Billy Cooke pictured before their last practice session at Stoney Ley before the weekend

Fran Wall and Billy Cooke both enjoyed their final practise session at Stoney Ley on Thursday afternoon in preparation for the national finals of Croquet England’s GC B-Level (3+) Series at Poole on September 21st – 22nd.

As reported last week, Fran and Billy will be competing against players from all over the UK following their successes earlier in the season in regional heats.

It will be a busy week for Billy, who will also be competing in the GC C-Level (7+) Series at Watford over the weekend of September 28th – 29th  after qualifying through his wins at Chester and Woking.

Best of luck, Fran and Billy

Paul Felton